A Parable (or Parody) of Election ’16

Long, long ago—well, actually not that long ago—in a land far, far away—well, actually not that far away, but right here—two people ran against each other in an election. Both wanted to be The Leader of the ASU, the Association of States UnderAttack. 

One of those wanting to be The Leader was a woman named Liary Lenton. Opposing her was a man named D. Trumpet.

Liary Lenton’s entire political life was marred with scandal and corruption, but the De-Moral Tribe—sometimes known simply as the Dems—was not bothered by that nor by her call for government-sponsored theft against anyone who worked hard by taking what they had earned and giving it to those who wouldn’t work. 

Though Liary knew that the role of The Leader was to protect the citizenry, she openly mocked anyone who wanted protection from some groups that might have hidden among them—radical, beheading, terrorist groups such as EYE-SIS and other related groups. If anyone raised a concern, she and her cronies in the Dem tribe ridiculed these people as needing to “change their religion,” and labeled them as xenophobic and racist. 

Furthermore, when the Department of Security of the ASU called for “hidden information” to be treated carefully, Liary Lenton purposely used very visible smoke signals which the enemy of the ASU could see and interpret. In addition, it was determined that Liary had started and used more than 13 different fires to send her smoke signals which the prestigious IBF—Informational Bureau for Faithfulness (to the ASU)—could not even observe because she had used FireBit to destroy the evidence. 

Meanwhile, Liary’s opponent, D. Trumpet, was the nominee of the GOP (“Generating Opportunities Repeatedly”) tribe. But many of The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) did not want to vote for him. They did not like some of the things that were sounded from D. Trumpet, some of the things in his past, or how he failed to act like one of them. That was understandable because, well, as the title suggests, they were the righteous ones (and some really were) and he, after all, was not.

Some of The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) experienced such consternation that they made bizarre claims that while they obviously could not support Liary Lenton, they would maintain their righteousness by likewise not supporting D. Trumpet. Some even said they would go so far as to vote for a tertiary tribe known as the Antinomian Tribe which was often delineated by the letters LIB. They were content to cast what is known as a TA (throw away) vote.

The election between Liary Lenton and D. Trumpet was even more critical because the winner would appoint the BRTD (Black Robed ‘Til Death) cartel. They were not originally intended by the writers of The Document to be a “cartel,” but tragically, five (sometimes more) of them had become exactly that.

You see, the BRTD (Black Robed ‘Til Death) was once co-equal with The Leader and the Council of the 535. But the five (or more) members of the BRTD cartel had hijacked and abused The Document to the degree that the role of the Council of the 535 and the role of The Leader were subjugated to the BRTD (Black Robed ‘Til Death), making them the OITF (Oligarichal, Imperialistic Tyrants Forever).

In spite of all of D. Trumpet’s known weaknesses, he was committed to The Document, and agreed to appoint only good members to be on the BRTD so they would no longer be able to be the OITF, thus ending the cartel, and consequently once again honoring The Document.

In contrast, Liary Lenton and her friend Obamanation were committed to the destruction of The Document by allowing the BRTD (Black Robed ‘Til Death) to interpret The Document any way they desired. For example, they used Part 14 of The Document, which was about the integrity of all humans, to be used to dehumanize those that had not yet traversed the birth canal. These little ones were hacked to death and sometimes their body parts were even sold by AP (Anti-Parenthood). They even used Part 14 to affirm SGS (Sodom and Gomorrah Syndrome).

As the election neared, some of The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) simply could not see that the ongoing threat of allowing the five members of the BRTD to continue to be the OITF (Oligarichal, Imperialistic Tyrants Forever) was more important than either Liary Lenton or D. Trumpet as candidates. The Discerning saw this, understood the perilous nature of election ’16, and tried desperately to warn The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters).

Some of The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters), though not supporting Liary Lenton, sanctimoniously attacked D. Trumpet for his NPS (Non-Perfection Syndrome). The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) felt more righteously smug if they joined SIA (Saints In Absencia) on election day, just as 39 million of them had done in 2012, resulting in the Obamanation of the A of SU (Association of States UnderAttack). When they did that, it would assure not merely that D. Trumpet’s NPS (Non-Perfection Syndrome) would never get into the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue residence, but that Liary would.

How does this story end? Well, that depends on you.

(At this point, you may choose which ending to the story you desire.) 

Ending 1:

Fortunately, enough of The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) came to an awareness that the election was bigger and far more important than either candidate. It was about saving freedom. It was about saving the good ol’ A of SU. In increasing numbers they began to support D. Trumpet. He won.

Admittedly, he was not the perfect candidate. Except for Jesus, no one is. Yet he drove back EYE-SIS and saved freedom globally. And D. Trumpet was even able to appoint people to the BRTD (Black Robed ‘Til Death) group that ended the OITF’s (Oligarichal, Imperialistic Tyrants Forever) full and complete destruction of The Document. 

Ending 2:

Unfortunately, The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) simply could not accept the NPS (Non-Perfection Syndrome) of D. Trumpet. They felt they could maintain their noble righteousness by not giving D. Trumpet their support, thus assuring a Liary Lenton victory. 

Liary Lenton was elected and became—as expected by The Discerning—Jezebel 2.0. She took away the “rights of the faith,” destroying Part 1 of The Document. People who wanted to “cling to their guns and religion,” or who would not “change their religion,” or what Liary called “their backward thinking,” and who would not embrace SGS (Sodom and Gomorrah Syndrome) were stripped of their rights. Their places of meeting for worship were eventually heavily taxed for violating “the rights of the sodomites” and thus closed. Liary Lenton appointed more OITF (Oligarichal, Imperialistic Tyrants Forever) persons to the BRTD (Black Robed ‘Til Death) cartel, and all rights of conscience were eternally lost. The children and grandchildren of The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) paid a high price for the wrongful thinking of their parents and grandparents. 

It proved to be the last election. The good ol’ A of SU ended. And tragically, freedom was lost on the entire Earth. 

Some of The Righteous Brothers (and Sisters) cried out, “Why, God, did You let this happen to us?” And God said, “I didn’t. You did.”

(You will select the ending to this story on November 8.) 

Dr. Jim Garlow is the author of Well Versed: Biblical Answers to Today’s Tough Issues.