Joni Lamb on Finding Peace After Loss
Marcus died in November of 2021, and our forty-year anniversary would have been the following August. We were married for over thirty-nine years and had dated for two years before that. I’d spent forty-one years with this person, and then, without warning, he was gone. It left an instant crater in my soul. I didn’t get any real sleep during the seventeen days we spent in the hospital, and it was all starting to catch up with me, so I just crashed in the bed. Over the next several days family and friends came by, bringing food and offering emotional support, but that first night I was home alone, and that’s what I wanted. I wanted to be alone.
Outside our home is a beautiful garden patio that faces the swimming pool. It was our backyard retreat. Marcus and I would sit out there in the mornings and sip our coffee. We would also play cornhole together out there in the afternoons.
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After the deaths of my dad, my brother, and our friend John Paul Jackson, red birds became unusually significant to me. The Lord used them to confirm something very personal. There was one particular red bird that kept returning to our patio. Marcus and I would be out on the patio drinking coffee or playing cornhole, and my red bird would show up. We would kid about it, and I’d say, “Oh, there’s my red bird. It’s a sign from heaven.” Each time I saw it, I would reflect on those I loved who had gone before us.
Marcus would say, “There’s your red bird. You’re going to win.” And then he’d say, “I want a bird too. I want my own bird.”
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One day while we were out on the patio, a little black-and-white bird with a loud and quite particular chirp showed up. When Marcus saw it, he said, “That’s my bird!”
I said, “OK, you can have that bird.” We both laughed. So, I had the red bird, and Marcus had the chirpy bird, which I later discovered was a black-and-white whip-poor-will.
The morning after my first night without Marcus, I fixed my coffee and walked out on the patio. As I shuffled from the kitchen toward the patio, I said to myself, “I don’t know if I want to go out there.” At that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit speak gently: “Go out there. I have something for you.”
I thought, “OK, Lord,” and kept walking.
While sipping my coffee on the patio, I heard Marcus’ bird. It was the whip-poor-will. I had my phone and decided to record a video of Marcus’ bird. Just as I began to record, my red bird flew over and sat right next to Marcus’ bird on the bush. Whip-poor-wills and red birds typically avoid each other. It was as if the Lord was giving me a little wink, a God wink, on the day after Marcus’ death. It comforted my heart in the midst of the vacuum left by Marcus’ absence. I felt the Lord say, “I’ve got you, Joni.” And I felt His presence.
Joni Lamb is the president of Daystar Television Network, co-founded with her late husband, Marcus Lamb. The network reaches over 110 million homes in the U.S. and over 5 billion people worldwide. She is executive producer and host of her daily talk show, Joni Table Talk, which has earned 10 Telly Awards, three Lone Star Emmy Awards and five Daytime Emmy nominations. Lamb also co-hosts Daystar’s daily, live flagship broadcast Ministry Now with her husband, Dr. Doug Weiss. Her new book Through the Storm is available at Amazon.com.
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